The males are not divided between 'males who like men' and 'males who like women.'
Neither is male sexuality divided between 'male sexuality for men' and 'male sexuality for women.'
If at all 'sexual orientation' needs to be configured, male sexuality is divided between:
-masculine male sexuality for men
-feminine male sexuality for men
-masculine male sexuality for women
-feminine male sexuality for women
masculine male sexuality for men and feminine male sexuality don't come into the same category. They are essentially different in nature. The masculine male meets another male as a man. The feminine male meets another male as a woman (in different degrees). When a masculine male is approached by another male, he is approached as a man. When a feminine male is approached by another male, he is approached as someone who is half-male/half-female. Only the feminine male sexuality for men calls for a separate category.
The western world knows that masculine male sexuality for women does not come into the same category as feminine male sexuality for women. So, while the former are part of the straight category, the latter are a part of the LGBT category.
The masculine male sexuality for men and the masculine male sexuality for women come into the same category of men. Instead of being divided over people, these two different forms of sexuality, in nature, form part of the same man, but during different stages. While youth is for sexual bonding between males, reproductive sex is indulged in by many mammalian males in the latter part of adulthood, often without forgoing male bonds. They are both phases a man goes through. Of course, many males do not go through the second phase, but they intensify the first one. That doesn't make these males a part of the feminine males who have the same outer sex of sexual partners.
Likewise, feminine male sexuality for women and feminine male sexuality for men forms part of the same category. In nature, only the feminine gendered male has any long term or emotional 'sexual orientation' for women. With humans, of course, there are other factors than biology that comes into play, in order to heterosexualise the non-feminine males. Feminine male sexuality for men that is exclusive is an exception rather than the rule.
It should also be noted that while masculine male sexuality for men is more oriented towards emotional and social bonding (apart from a deep sexual bonding) and so is much more monogamous and long lasting, even lifelong ... the feminine male sexuality for men (gay) is often promiscuous by nature, limited only to the physical part of it. The feminine male is more geared to form emotional and social bonds with women.
Jun 4, 2010
An interesting article about how manhood works
Here's an interesting article on manhood:
Growth into manhood -- by Alan Medinger
The author has captured the essence of manhood on the dot, as well as the process. However, he uses it to attack what he calls 'homosexuality,' but what apparently is the third gender attraction for males.
It is exactly by driving out sexual bonding and its desire from amongst manhood spaces and male peer spaces (which otherwise thrive on strong male sexual bonds), into a separate category of 'homosexual' which is nothing but the erstwhile category of 'third genders' (not men), that the western world stigmatizes sexuality between men, and pscyho-socially forces men to train themselves to be heterosexual.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 2000 by Alan Medinger
Excerpted by permission of the author
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter One Excerpt: The Journey
Homosexuality is at its core an identity problem. Such a man does not feel like a man, at least as he perceives the way other men feel about themselves. Dr. Bill Consiglio referred to this as "gender emptiness." He doesn't feel like a woman, and he may not yet have taken on a gay or homosexual identity, but he feels empty in some place where he senses he should feel solid….In terms of having gone through all the stages of growth that take most little boys from childhood to full manhood, he found the process too difficult or too painful, so he took his leave and skipped out of a part of it….
Now, 15 , 20 or 40 years later, if you want to resume your growth, you will have to venture back out into the world of men and boys. Essentially, you are going to have to develop your manhood in the same way that young boys do, through a process of learning, testing, failing, getting back up and testing again, and finally succeeding. We grow into the fullness of manhood by doing the things that men do.
Chapter Two Excerpt: Growth Into Manhood: Essential for Healing
(The homosexual man) will not recover until behavior, attractions and identity have all been dealt with and to some extent transformed. Although his natural inclination may be to focus on behavior and attractions -- because this is where he feels the most distress -- I believe that the richest fruit will be borne in his life if he focuses most strongly (and early on) in the area of identity.
This is true for two reasons: First, identity is more amenable to direct attack than behavior or attractions….(It) can be changed significantly through a program of conscious choices and specific actions…. Second, a man's incomplete male identity is what drives and directs homosexual behavior and attractions….
With respect to attractions, the essence of sexual attraction seems to be "differences" or "otherness"… What if a man does not have the inner sense that he is a man? Will he experience attraction to a woman? Will she be his "other"? No, and this is critical. If he feels that he is not complete as a man, his first longing will be not for women but for complete manhood; he will be drawn to the masculine in other males. This will be his "other." This will be his missing rib… It follows, then, that the development of our manhood - finding completion in ourselves -- will do great things both to decrease our same-sex attractions and to start drawing us sexually to women.
Chapter Three Excerpt: The Way a Man Develops
Growth encompasses the following steps:
1. Physiological…
2. Separating from the mother: This occurs…psychologically in the boy's taking on an identity separate from his mother.
3. Identifying with the father or "the man"…
4. Modeling after or imitating the father…
5. Testing his manhood: He wants to prove that he is like his father, so he tests himself to be affirmed that he is a man like his father, seeking affirmation first from his father and then from his peers.
6. Getting affirmed: He gets feedback from his father or peers that tells him he is indeed a man.
7. Accepting his manhood: Affirmation has been sufficient for him to accept internally that he is a man.
…Identification is a far less mysterious thing than bonding, and it is something that could occur at any time, even in adulthood. Hopefully, as you are reading this book, if you have never done so before, you will come to the point at which you will say, "Aha! I am not that different from other men. I am a man, and there is no reason why I can't grow into a full sense of my manhood."
…The primary affirmer in the early years usually is Dad…In early adolescence the search for affirmation is broadened. It focuses on peers. The process is competitive and has the potential to produce some losses and some pain. For this reason many boys will seek an environment where their successes will outnumber their failures. This process almost always takes place in a group environment, and the boy will start fulfilling that strange, almost universal male longing to belong to a group of men. The combination of achieving, being affirmed, and belonging can make this a wonderful experience for a young boy.
Chapter Five Excerpt: Is It Possible for Us Now?
If the steps outlined in chapter 3 are truly necessary for growth into manhood and you skipped some of them or went through them only partially, then at some point you still have to go through them if you are ever to experience full manhood. God heals our physical, emotional, and even our spiritual brokenness, but it is safe to say, God does not heal our immaturity. He wants us to grow out of it….In one way or another, you will have to go through all of the steps that lead to full, mature manhood - separating from the mother, identifying with the father or the "man," modeling, testing my manhood, getting affirmed, accepting my manhood.
…Like a boy, we must be affirmed by men; they are the ones we still see as having the authority to affirm manhood. And like it or not, like a boy, affirmation must come from what we do.
…Manhood is formed in the company of men, and so affirmation must be sought on their terms. This clearly presents a dilemma. You may not like watching football and you may have no ability to fix cars. But a broader understanding of masculinity will expand the areas in which you can recognize and receive affirmation from men. For example, if three men in your church have decided to rebuild the fence around the church playground and they decide to ask you to join them, the very asking will be affirming. Implicit in their asking is the statement that you are one of the men.
…The primary principle of the program is also the basis of this book: We grow into manhood by doing the things that men do.
Chapter Seven Excerpt: Understanding the Masculine
The problem in the homosexual man is not that he has too much of the feminine but too little of the masculine. Can there also be too much of the feminine? Could we have too great a capacity to nurture, to communicate, to understand, too great an ability to respond and help? No, any man who has a surplus of these things is blessed and is likely to be a blessing to others. Maybe in your homosexual struggles you have thought that you are too sensitive, too verbal, too intuitive. I don't think you can be. Look at yourself again. Do these qualities make your life difficult? Are they what hold you back from getting on with your life? I doubt it. Isn't it your inability to initiate, to exercise authority, to function as you are expected to do in the physical world of men that give you such distress?
…This is not the only problem at the root of male homosexuality, and I am not saying that it is present in every struggler, but it has been in most of the men whom I have encountered in this ministry over the last 20 years.
The good news -- the really great news -- is that it is not too late to develop the masculine part of you….
Growth into manhood -- by Alan Medinger
The author has captured the essence of manhood on the dot, as well as the process. However, he uses it to attack what he calls 'homosexuality,' but what apparently is the third gender attraction for males.
It is exactly by driving out sexual bonding and its desire from amongst manhood spaces and male peer spaces (which otherwise thrive on strong male sexual bonds), into a separate category of 'homosexual' which is nothing but the erstwhile category of 'third genders' (not men), that the western world stigmatizes sexuality between men, and pscyho-socially forces men to train themselves to be heterosexual.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 2000 by Alan Medinger
Excerpted by permission of the author
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter One Excerpt: The Journey
Homosexuality is at its core an identity problem. Such a man does not feel like a man, at least as he perceives the way other men feel about themselves. Dr. Bill Consiglio referred to this as "gender emptiness." He doesn't feel like a woman, and he may not yet have taken on a gay or homosexual identity, but he feels empty in some place where he senses he should feel solid….In terms of having gone through all the stages of growth that take most little boys from childhood to full manhood, he found the process too difficult or too painful, so he took his leave and skipped out of a part of it….
Now, 15 , 20 or 40 years later, if you want to resume your growth, you will have to venture back out into the world of men and boys. Essentially, you are going to have to develop your manhood in the same way that young boys do, through a process of learning, testing, failing, getting back up and testing again, and finally succeeding. We grow into the fullness of manhood by doing the things that men do.
Chapter Two Excerpt: Growth Into Manhood: Essential for Healing
(The homosexual man) will not recover until behavior, attractions and identity have all been dealt with and to some extent transformed. Although his natural inclination may be to focus on behavior and attractions -- because this is where he feels the most distress -- I believe that the richest fruit will be borne in his life if he focuses most strongly (and early on) in the area of identity.
This is true for two reasons: First, identity is more amenable to direct attack than behavior or attractions….(It) can be changed significantly through a program of conscious choices and specific actions…. Second, a man's incomplete male identity is what drives and directs homosexual behavior and attractions….
With respect to attractions, the essence of sexual attraction seems to be "differences" or "otherness"… What if a man does not have the inner sense that he is a man? Will he experience attraction to a woman? Will she be his "other"? No, and this is critical. If he feels that he is not complete as a man, his first longing will be not for women but for complete manhood; he will be drawn to the masculine in other males. This will be his "other." This will be his missing rib… It follows, then, that the development of our manhood - finding completion in ourselves -- will do great things both to decrease our same-sex attractions and to start drawing us sexually to women.
Chapter Three Excerpt: The Way a Man Develops
Growth encompasses the following steps:
1. Physiological…
2. Separating from the mother: This occurs…psychologically in the boy's taking on an identity separate from his mother.
3. Identifying with the father or "the man"…
4. Modeling after or imitating the father…
5. Testing his manhood: He wants to prove that he is like his father, so he tests himself to be affirmed that he is a man like his father, seeking affirmation first from his father and then from his peers.
6. Getting affirmed: He gets feedback from his father or peers that tells him he is indeed a man.
7. Accepting his manhood: Affirmation has been sufficient for him to accept internally that he is a man.
…Identification is a far less mysterious thing than bonding, and it is something that could occur at any time, even in adulthood. Hopefully, as you are reading this book, if you have never done so before, you will come to the point at which you will say, "Aha! I am not that different from other men. I am a man, and there is no reason why I can't grow into a full sense of my manhood."
…The primary affirmer in the early years usually is Dad…In early adolescence the search for affirmation is broadened. It focuses on peers. The process is competitive and has the potential to produce some losses and some pain. For this reason many boys will seek an environment where their successes will outnumber their failures. This process almost always takes place in a group environment, and the boy will start fulfilling that strange, almost universal male longing to belong to a group of men. The combination of achieving, being affirmed, and belonging can make this a wonderful experience for a young boy.
Chapter Five Excerpt: Is It Possible for Us Now?
If the steps outlined in chapter 3 are truly necessary for growth into manhood and you skipped some of them or went through them only partially, then at some point you still have to go through them if you are ever to experience full manhood. God heals our physical, emotional, and even our spiritual brokenness, but it is safe to say, God does not heal our immaturity. He wants us to grow out of it….In one way or another, you will have to go through all of the steps that lead to full, mature manhood - separating from the mother, identifying with the father or the "man," modeling, testing my manhood, getting affirmed, accepting my manhood.
…Like a boy, we must be affirmed by men; they are the ones we still see as having the authority to affirm manhood. And like it or not, like a boy, affirmation must come from what we do.
…Manhood is formed in the company of men, and so affirmation must be sought on their terms. This clearly presents a dilemma. You may not like watching football and you may have no ability to fix cars. But a broader understanding of masculinity will expand the areas in which you can recognize and receive affirmation from men. For example, if three men in your church have decided to rebuild the fence around the church playground and they decide to ask you to join them, the very asking will be affirming. Implicit in their asking is the statement that you are one of the men.
…The primary principle of the program is also the basis of this book: We grow into manhood by doing the things that men do.
Chapter Seven Excerpt: Understanding the Masculine
The problem in the homosexual man is not that he has too much of the feminine but too little of the masculine. Can there also be too much of the feminine? Could we have too great a capacity to nurture, to communicate, to understand, too great an ability to respond and help? No, any man who has a surplus of these things is blessed and is likely to be a blessing to others. Maybe in your homosexual struggles you have thought that you are too sensitive, too verbal, too intuitive. I don't think you can be. Look at yourself again. Do these qualities make your life difficult? Are they what hold you back from getting on with your life? I doubt it. Isn't it your inability to initiate, to exercise authority, to function as you are expected to do in the physical world of men that give you such distress?
…This is not the only problem at the root of male homosexuality, and I am not saying that it is present in every struggler, but it has been in most of the men whom I have encountered in this ministry over the last 20 years.
The good news -- the really great news -- is that it is not too late to develop the masculine part of you….
Evidence that manhood equals heterosexual sex in the west, even today
By: Matthew Bruner
As a child of the '70's now with three young sons of my own, I have been asking this question……"when does a boy cross that line and become a man"? I find myself thinking often about my own sons and the men they will someday be. I think about my influence on them as a father, and then compare their lives to my own childhood. I look back through my history and think about the men who were coaches, mentors, and fathers in my life that helped push me across that line into manhood.
Boys need men in their lives. Women obviously play a role that is irreplaceable in a boy's adolescent experience. However, there is something that can only be imparted from another man….something that despite all of men's weaknesses and flaws can only come through a male figure. It is for that reason that I look at our culture and challenge the parameters of responsible adulthood and the definition we have given for maturity and manhood. I suggest that we have lost our definition of manhood and thus lost the pathway to manhood. Young men need older men in their lives to establish various 'rite of passage' opportunities that would mark the defining moments of coming into manhood.
In America we tend to look at age for the most part as the indicator for "maturity." At 13 the boy is now at least kind of a "little man", busting out of the kid years and into the teens, which in our culture means finding independence (i.e., giving your parents hell for the next 4+ years). Teens seem to view this span of 13-18 as a small stint in the teenage phase with 18 as the release into true adulthood. This is because our culture has a whole set of laws for 18 year olds and crossing this line marks some significant things.....voting, buying smokes (legally), and joining the military, to name a few. Then, there is that magic 21. Yes, this is the age when you are now not only mature enough to vote, smoke, and fight for your country but you can consume alcohol at a plethora of establishments one had to formerly sneak into. In most states 21 is that magical time when the young man should be able to drink responsibly. Oh, I almost forgot, another "man establishing" moment culturally…the loss of virginity (at an ever decreasing age I might add!).
After turning 21 there are no other big steps of maturation associated with age, with the exception of the 65 mark. This is the age when we as a culture have said, "You deserve to retire; you're old." (I am a little biased against this age defined marker as I am personally surrounded by "old" family members that do not believe in retirement.)
Age happens. We can't stop it and every year we are a year older--no matter how mature or immature we may be. We all know 14 year olds that are more mature than 16 year olds and 16 year olds that should not be behind the wheel of any type of vehicle. I realize I have taken a broad sweep of American culture in relation to age and that in fact there are very mature teenagers out there...somewhere. There are also very mature 21 year olds that have successfully crossed through these age defining moments.
What if we are looking at it all wrong? What if we broaden our definition of manhood and maturity to include concepts like bravery, responsibility, self control, meekness (power under control), discipline, empathy toward others, self sacrificing, etc? Then, what if we set up specific opportunities that would challenge and test boys and qualify them for manhood?
Author Robert Bly reminds us, "The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort--only through the 'active intervention' of the older men." He tells of such a ritual in Africa where the boy has to take a sort of pilgrimage before he can be called a man. He first has to go out and find a wild bee hive, collect the honey in it and bring it back to the elders. He endures the stings and pain of this event, but that is only the beginning. While mom takes the honey he gathered and makes a honey beer, he goes off for a couple of nights alone in the wilderness (a quest if you will). He returns then to the elders where he is circumcised. If he cries or screams, he has failed his test. If he endures, he celebrates as a man with the elders, has his honey drink, and later that day is introduced to his mother as though it is the first time he has ever met her.
I realize that this is a radical example, but it is black and white. After reading this short explanation, we know now what it takes to be a man in this ancient culture. It is definable and can be measured. It is a "pass / no pass" test!
Young men that have failed to cross that line into responsible adulthood desperately need men in their lives to call them into manhood and acknowledge their bravery, responsibility, sacrifice…whatever! I am thankful for the men, fathers, coaches, and mentors that have set up definable and achievable rites of passage for my life….to push me out of immaturity and into manhood!
(Robert Bly, "Iron John")
About the Author:
Matthew Bruner is the Director of Men of Valor Ranch in Northport, WA. Prior to founding Men of Valor Ranch, Matthew worked for Straight Arrow. For more information, contact him at 509-732-8936 or matthew@menofvalorranch.com, or visit his website, www.menofvalorranch.com
As a child of the '70's now with three young sons of my own, I have been asking this question……"when does a boy cross that line and become a man"? I find myself thinking often about my own sons and the men they will someday be. I think about my influence on them as a father, and then compare their lives to my own childhood. I look back through my history and think about the men who were coaches, mentors, and fathers in my life that helped push me across that line into manhood.
Boys need men in their lives. Women obviously play a role that is irreplaceable in a boy's adolescent experience. However, there is something that can only be imparted from another man….something that despite all of men's weaknesses and flaws can only come through a male figure. It is for that reason that I look at our culture and challenge the parameters of responsible adulthood and the definition we have given for maturity and manhood. I suggest that we have lost our definition of manhood and thus lost the pathway to manhood. Young men need older men in their lives to establish various 'rite of passage' opportunities that would mark the defining moments of coming into manhood.
In America we tend to look at age for the most part as the indicator for "maturity." At 13 the boy is now at least kind of a "little man", busting out of the kid years and into the teens, which in our culture means finding independence (i.e., giving your parents hell for the next 4+ years). Teens seem to view this span of 13-18 as a small stint in the teenage phase with 18 as the release into true adulthood. This is because our culture has a whole set of laws for 18 year olds and crossing this line marks some significant things.....voting, buying smokes (legally), and joining the military, to name a few. Then, there is that magic 21. Yes, this is the age when you are now not only mature enough to vote, smoke, and fight for your country but you can consume alcohol at a plethora of establishments one had to formerly sneak into. In most states 21 is that magical time when the young man should be able to drink responsibly. Oh, I almost forgot, another "man establishing" moment culturally…the loss of virginity (at an ever decreasing age I might add!).
After turning 21 there are no other big steps of maturation associated with age, with the exception of the 65 mark. This is the age when we as a culture have said, "You deserve to retire; you're old." (I am a little biased against this age defined marker as I am personally surrounded by "old" family members that do not believe in retirement.)
Age happens. We can't stop it and every year we are a year older--no matter how mature or immature we may be. We all know 14 year olds that are more mature than 16 year olds and 16 year olds that should not be behind the wheel of any type of vehicle. I realize I have taken a broad sweep of American culture in relation to age and that in fact there are very mature teenagers out there...somewhere. There are also very mature 21 year olds that have successfully crossed through these age defining moments.
What if we are looking at it all wrong? What if we broaden our definition of manhood and maturity to include concepts like bravery, responsibility, self control, meekness (power under control), discipline, empathy toward others, self sacrificing, etc? Then, what if we set up specific opportunities that would challenge and test boys and qualify them for manhood?
Author Robert Bly reminds us, "The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort--only through the 'active intervention' of the older men." He tells of such a ritual in Africa where the boy has to take a sort of pilgrimage before he can be called a man. He first has to go out and find a wild bee hive, collect the honey in it and bring it back to the elders. He endures the stings and pain of this event, but that is only the beginning. While mom takes the honey he gathered and makes a honey beer, he goes off for a couple of nights alone in the wilderness (a quest if you will). He returns then to the elders where he is circumcised. If he cries or screams, he has failed his test. If he endures, he celebrates as a man with the elders, has his honey drink, and later that day is introduced to his mother as though it is the first time he has ever met her.
I realize that this is a radical example, but it is black and white. After reading this short explanation, we know now what it takes to be a man in this ancient culture. It is definable and can be measured. It is a "pass / no pass" test!
Young men that have failed to cross that line into responsible adulthood desperately need men in their lives to call them into manhood and acknowledge their bravery, responsibility, sacrifice…whatever! I am thankful for the men, fathers, coaches, and mentors that have set up definable and achievable rites of passage for my life….to push me out of immaturity and into manhood!
(Robert Bly, "Iron John")
About the Author:
Matthew Bruner is the Director of Men of Valor Ranch in Northport, WA. Prior to founding Men of Valor Ranch, Matthew worked for Straight Arrow. For more information, contact him at 509-732-8936 or matthew@menofvalorranch.com, or visit his website, www.menofvalorranch.com
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