Heterosexuality Is Unnatural, no matter what Sex Essentialists say
What follows is a book review from Achille's Heel: The Radical Men's Magazine
The Invention of Heterosexuality by Jonathan Ned Katz
Twelve years ago, Gore Vidal asserted that "there is no such thing as a homosexual or a heterosexual person. There are only homo- or hetero acts." He repeats this hypothesis in an argumentative foreword to Ned Katz's book. But Katz seeks to dig deeper than this and questions the assumptions that lead us to divide people, acts, relationships and feelings into binary opposites. Starting with the first appearance in the United States of the word hetero-sexual, in 1893, he shows how it has moved from its original medical definition to its use in describing "normal", different-sex eroticism.
The original definition is important in the argument that Katz develops. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, attempts were made to identify and name various deviations from the procreative norm. "Hetero-sexuality" described one type of non-procreative perversion involving different-sex desire. Erotic attraction was seen as a healthy sexual instinct when procreation was its aim, but not if it involved only the satisfaction of lustful impulses. It was these drives and impulses that were taken up by Freud, from 1905 onwards, in the development of his theories of sexuality.
It is difficult to imagine a time before knowledge of the powerful concepts and images that Freud put before us. Katz shows how the presumption of a predominantly male, heterosexual norm pervaded Freud's writing, creating an assumption of the biological and historical roots of the hetero/homo divide. In a similar way, Freud displaced the procreative norm and replaced it with the concept of sexual libido and its satisfaction.
In terms of individual development, the choice of sexual object (same- or opposite-sex) was not fixed or restricted, but Freud made it clear that a heterosexual outcome would be both normal and preferred. Homosexuality is seen as "fixated" and "immature" and an undesirable developmental outcome. This impression of an essential, historical and biological truth focussed negative attention on abnormal homosexuality. More importantly, it directed attention away from the heterosexual norm. Katz invites us to check the relative invisibility of discourse on heterosexuality by browsing the indices of relevant seminal texts. As an example, he cites the standard index to Freud's complete works. This contains only one reference to heterosexuality but more than a column of references to homosexuality. Katz goes on to show how heterosexuality grew rapidly from a preferred developmental outcome into a universal, cultural norm. He places Gore Vidal's distinction between persons and acts as post-Kinsey in that Alfred Kinsey's research, reported in "Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male" (1948), described a range of behaviour and practice that did not fit neatly into exclusively homo- or heterocategories.
In the same decade, the words "gay" and "straight" were being used as descriptions of sexual identity, with "straight" meaning "not homosexual". The concept of a gay or lesbian identity and the growth of identity politics have been instrumental in affirming the feelings and lifestyles of those who are glad to be gay. Ned Katz recognises the importance of this movement, but is pessimistic about its potential in the breaking down of the heterosexual norm.
Acceptance of genetically-determined sexual orientation is compared with similar biological "evidence" used to justify the practices of slavery, racism and sexism. Rather than argue on these grounds, he sees a way forward, through a focus on what is held in common and not through an emphasis on what makes us different from each other. His model for this is based on challenges to the dominant male, heterosexual culture posed by liberal, radical and lesbian feminists since the early 1960s. Katz draws together the strands of a feminist de-construction of heterosexuality, from Betty Friedan's dissatisfaction with arbitrary sexual designations, placing limits on women's potential, to Adrienne Rich's explicit criticism, in the early 1980s, of institutionalised heterosexuality.
Katz looks forward to a time when homo- and hetero- distinctions will become redundant. As Lisa Duggan points out in her afterword, this is bound to make some readers uncomfortable, if not downright hostile.
Conservative "essentialists" will perceive an attack against the institutions of marriage and the family. On the other hand, those working for lesbian and gay rights may feel that their position is undermined and that it is better to argue for equality on the basis of gains already made. Katz and Duggan both suggest that an acceptance of "difference" can lead, at best, to a state of tolerance, whereas true equality can only come if we "change the notion that heterosexuality is normal for the vast majority of people, and shift social, cultural and political practices based on that assumption".
Ned Katz's main aim in this book is to focus attention and to encourage debate on the problem of heterosexuality. In this respect, he has produced a valuable resource. "The Invention of Heterosexuality" distils almost fifteen years of discussion, research and writing. It contains a wealth of notes and references that will provide an excellent platform for further study. But, above all, this is an essential read and a fascinating journey through the sexual politics of the 20th century.
Andrew Martin
Copyright © Achilles Heel Collective
Mar 8, 2011
Male Take: When He Can't Get An Erection
No erection? What to say when he can't get it up.
By Jack Murnighan
It happens to the best of men: arousal but no lift... interest but no erection. When a man can't get it up, the experience for him and his partner falls somewhere between awkward and utterly mortifying—I've even heard of men not calling women back because they were so ashamed of their inability to keep things on the up and up.
Because men are so sensitive about it, and because it's about as embarrassing a moment as he can experience, it puts the woman in a really tough spot. Of course you just want to say, "Honey, is there something I can do to help?" But in some cases, that's exactly what he doesn't want to hear. He's thinking, "No, I'm just dying from the pressure here, and the last thing I want you to do is even notice, much less try to help!"
Even worse is if you say, "Is there something wrong?" or "Are you okay?"—because, yes, there obviously is something wrong (you don't have to remind me!) and, no, I'm clearly not OK; I'm flaccid!
So what can a woman say or do when her man can't rev up the engines? Here are a few possibilities (but know that any one of these can backfire, too, depending on the circumstances). But, in order of most likely to go over well, here are five things you can say to help make the best of the situation:
1) Don't worry, honey. It happens to all guys.
Granted, he might wonder how much experience you have (some guys like to pretend it's your first time—I think they're silly), but at least he won't feel like he's the only loser on the planet. Misery sure does love company.
2) We'll just touch for now—I love that.
This way he can feel like he's still giving you a decent experience, and it's possible that gentle, relaxed, not-trying-to-start-anything touching will eventually bring him around. I'd advise steering clear of his penis, though, at least until it starts showing life on its own. If you touch it, he might think you're trying again, and his guilt and feelings of failure can get in the way.
3) You know what? It happens to me sometimes, too.
Guys might not realize that, sometimes, women don't get wet, even though they're aroused. Letting him know that it's a human thing, not just a flaw with his equipment, will help ease his mind.
Yes, this is pretty close to "Is there something I can do to help?" but the difference is in the approach. Asking what you can do implies there's a problem that needs fixing; asking if he wants something allows him to either articulate his needs or ignore your question. Still, this tactic is a bit risky, as he might feel as if you're disappointed with him. Sometimes, however, changing things up a little will put him in the right headspace and back on track. Just be careful when and how you ask.
Note that in all of these cases, the thing you need to make clear is that you're not mad at him, frustrated or mocking him for not being able to get an erection (or for having lost one).
And remember: You shouldn't take his present condition personally. Trust me, a guy can have performance anxiety simply because he likes you a ton and is trying too hard to make you happy! Or: he could have something else on his mind; some odd thing may have triggered his response; he may have had a lot to drink... any number of other things could be happening that have nothing to do with you or whether you're sexy. If it becomes chronic, there may be a more significant issue at work. But an isolated case or two—or jitters during the first few times you're together—is nothing to take as a bad sign. Male Take: How To Tell If A Guy Likes You
So once you have a handle on not taking it personally, help him realize that he shouldn't take it personally, either. He probably thinks his inability to maintain an erection reflects on his whole identity, so make sure he understands that you know it's a fluke, and no big deal.
Finally, keep in mind that men are a lot more complicated than they're given credit for. It might seem as if they're like light switches—easily turned on—but there's a brain involved, and that can be a wildcard. And when a man does have troubles, he really is at his most vulnerable. So careful what you say and do. He's ultra-exposed—in every way imaginable.
By Jack Murnighan
It happens to the best of men: arousal but no lift... interest but no erection. When a man can't get it up, the experience for him and his partner falls somewhere between awkward and utterly mortifying—I've even heard of men not calling women back because they were so ashamed of their inability to keep things on the up and up.
Because men are so sensitive about it, and because it's about as embarrassing a moment as he can experience, it puts the woman in a really tough spot. Of course you just want to say, "Honey, is there something I can do to help?" But in some cases, that's exactly what he doesn't want to hear. He's thinking, "No, I'm just dying from the pressure here, and the last thing I want you to do is even notice, much less try to help!"
Even worse is if you say, "Is there something wrong?" or "Are you okay?"—because, yes, there obviously is something wrong (you don't have to remind me!) and, no, I'm clearly not OK; I'm flaccid!
So what can a woman say or do when her man can't rev up the engines? Here are a few possibilities (but know that any one of these can backfire, too, depending on the circumstances). But, in order of most likely to go over well, here are five things you can say to help make the best of the situation:
1) Don't worry, honey. It happens to all guys.
Granted, he might wonder how much experience you have (some guys like to pretend it's your first time—I think they're silly), but at least he won't feel like he's the only loser on the planet. Misery sure does love company.
2) We'll just touch for now—I love that.
This way he can feel like he's still giving you a decent experience, and it's possible that gentle, relaxed, not-trying-to-start-anything touching will eventually bring him around. I'd advise steering clear of his penis, though, at least until it starts showing life on its own. If you touch it, he might think you're trying again, and his guilt and feelings of failure can get in the way.
3) You know what? It happens to me sometimes, too.
Guys might not realize that, sometimes, women don't get wet, even though they're aroused. Letting him know that it's a human thing, not just a flaw with his equipment, will help ease his mind.
Yes, this is pretty close to "Is there something I can do to help?" but the difference is in the approach. Asking what you can do implies there's a problem that needs fixing; asking if he wants something allows him to either articulate his needs or ignore your question. Still, this tactic is a bit risky, as he might feel as if you're disappointed with him. Sometimes, however, changing things up a little will put him in the right headspace and back on track. Just be careful when and how you ask.
Note that in all of these cases, the thing you need to make clear is that you're not mad at him, frustrated or mocking him for not being able to get an erection (or for having lost one).
And remember: You shouldn't take his present condition personally. Trust me, a guy can have performance anxiety simply because he likes you a ton and is trying too hard to make you happy! Or: he could have something else on his mind; some odd thing may have triggered his response; he may have had a lot to drink... any number of other things could be happening that have nothing to do with you or whether you're sexy. If it becomes chronic, there may be a more significant issue at work. But an isolated case or two—or jitters during the first few times you're together—is nothing to take as a bad sign. Male Take: How To Tell If A Guy Likes You
So once you have a handle on not taking it personally, help him realize that he shouldn't take it personally, either. He probably thinks his inability to maintain an erection reflects on his whole identity, so make sure he understands that you know it's a fluke, and no big deal.
Finally, keep in mind that men are a lot more complicated than they're given credit for. It might seem as if they're like light switches—easily turned on—but there's a brain involved, and that can be a wildcard. And when a man does have troubles, he really is at his most vulnerable. So careful what you say and do. He's ultra-exposed—in every way imaginable.
Feb 19, 2011
Greek studs: a Foucauldian sideways glance at Aristotle's package
Ye of little sex rejoice: for at least some of the ancient Greeks, there wasn't anything less virile than screwing around.
Michel Foucault's History of Sexuality spans a wide variety of topics, examining ancient to contemporary Western discourse on the sexual act. Specifically, it examines the origin of what we know today as "sexuality": a biological, psychological, and historical area of study that has been delineated as somehow above or apart from the rest of human activity. How and why did the canon of "proper behavior" in Western society place not only the sexual act, but constant discussion and definition of the sexual act, at the core of its being? Volume 2: The Use of Pleasure reviews ancient Greek texts on the erotic, dietetics, and other subjects to give perspective on the origins of "sexuality" by examining aphrodisia - the latter not particularly synonymous with the former, as difference in respective ideas of "virility" show.
Anyone with a passing knowledge of Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics digs his focus on virtue through "moderation". (That's sōphrosynē to you classicists.) In between two given behavioral extremes, there's always a mean in between that the virtuous man follows (although it usually ain't the median between the two). So what quality did the virtuous man have that allowed him to more-or-less tread the moderate path?
"Mastery" (enkrateia), in short. In order for a man to be virtuous, his rational faculties had to hold sway over his sensual inclinations: he had to be a "ruler" (archontas) and not "ruled" (archomenous) in relation to himself, just like Plato's hierarchy. Now, the blatant sexism in that last sentence is intentional - in fact, it's key to the whole process here. When we're talking virtue in ancient Greece, we're talking about men. Whether that's being a good citizen of the polis, a kick-ass Athenian general, or even a wise slave of the Stoic sort, it means being manly. Enkrateia was (in addition to being the power of a king over a subject or a lord over a slave) the same sort of "mastery" that a man had over his wife and household, and that the "top" in a sexual encounter had over the "bottom".
This isn't to say that virtue wasn't expected of women or that they couldn't have enkrateia or sōphrosynē, but that "this virtue was always referred in some way to virility. . .there was also a structural reference, since in order for a woman to be moderate, she had to establish a relationship of superiority and domination over herself that was virile by definition." (Foucault, p. 83) A virtuous woman was a manly woman, in the womanly fashion of being manly. (That make sense? Good.) The way Greek morality seems to be ordered, no matter whether one was "ruler" or "ruled" in relation to Athens, one was obligated to set up the same hierarchy inside oneself with one's rationality at the top. You had to kick your own inner ass - and make all those worrisome inclinations towards the extreme (quite literally) your bitch.
Now, aphrodisia (remember Aphrodite?) was subject to one of these dichotomies and had a moderate mean to follow. (It must be stressed that this wasn't particularly parallel to sexual virtue as a later, Christian concept: the exercise of all virtue was dependent on individual situations, and whether it was virtuous to freak nasty or not could even depend on whether you planned on taking your supper late that evening.) The mean in question was between being completely desensitized to erotic and sensory pleasure (something that Aristotle admitted to be extremely rare) and its opposite: chasing every tail that wagged your way, and sometimes a few that didn't.
That means that if you were prone (like a great many of the contemporaries of Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle) to all sorts of wacky sexual adventures, even with women, you weren't particularly virile. In fact, you vere a vussy girly man, ja! Of course many folks would have the inclination to stick it in wherever they saw an opening; what made you a virile master of yourself, and thus a virtuous person, was to know when to go at it and when to let it be. What this meant for ancient Greek sexual ethics was manifest in its differences with modern ideas about being masculine or effeminate.
The dividing line between a virile man and an effeminate man did not coincide with our opposition between hetero- and homosexuality; nor was it confined to the opposition between active and passive homosexuality. It marked the difference in people's attitudes toward the pleasures, and the traditional signs of effeminacy. . .were not necessarily associated with the individual who in the nineteenth century would be called an "invert", but with the one who yielded to the pleasures that enticed him: he was under the power of his own appetites and those of others." (Foucault, p. 85)
If you were a pretty boy favoring ostentatious dress and perfumery, if you didn't like to participate in suitably manly sports, if you were prone to malakia ("softness" in the sense of being unmanly, but also associated with disease and sickness), then it was just as likely that you were hounding the ladies as it was that you were hyperactively homosexual. What you were doing was failing to be a man to yourself by not standing up to the ways your body was likely to lead you astray, and that tended, in the Greek mind, to manifest itself in the way you talked, how healthy you were, how successful you were at raising children, and so on. If your inner hierarchy was a shambles, it was likely to show in how well you acted out your role in the hierarchy of Athens and the rest of the external world.
These ideas led to a lot of conclusions that were seemingly alien, and yet very related, to later Christian ways of looking at sex and society. Medieval thinkers often looked to the pure and innocent virgin young woman as the epitome of sexual morality. Such a person without sin would have nothing to confess, and was thus free of taint in the Church's eyes. There's a reason why Sir Galahad was raised by women into a virginal lifestyle and thus was able to get his hands around the Holy Grail, while Dear Daddy, the ultra-masculine womanizer and beloved friend to the rough-and-tumble Knights of the Round Table, had to kneel at the entrance to that sacred Mass. Yet Christianity's association of constant sexual self-control with power above that of one's fellow man is at least akin to enkrateia, if far more demanding of restraint. Its means of dealing with sex as a discourse of guilt and confession to God through the Church is also heavily related to the medical and social dedication of Greek texts to aphrodisia as at least one physical aspect of his life where a man could display virtue.
And, of course, to the Greeks, practice made perfect (hence some Athenian philosophers' admiration of brutal Spartan child-rearing practices designed to make young men into young soldiers). Mastering the genitalia was a lot like mastering an instrument, or rhetoric, or a certain sport: that is, you pursued virtue in that field as a unique individual, making some mistakes and trying your best while (if you were wise) learning as you went. The right amount, method, and partner(s) in one's sexual life had to be gauged independently through "growing experiences", as we say nowadays. So while Aristotle might not think that all those letters to Penthouse about how you slept with four Roller Derby sex goddesses at once made you a big virile hunk o' man, he could at least be content that you'd gained some valuable insight into who'd be in your motel room the next time around.
Michel Foucault's History of Sexuality spans a wide variety of topics, examining ancient to contemporary Western discourse on the sexual act. Specifically, it examines the origin of what we know today as "sexuality": a biological, psychological, and historical area of study that has been delineated as somehow above or apart from the rest of human activity. How and why did the canon of "proper behavior" in Western society place not only the sexual act, but constant discussion and definition of the sexual act, at the core of its being? Volume 2: The Use of Pleasure reviews ancient Greek texts on the erotic, dietetics, and other subjects to give perspective on the origins of "sexuality" by examining aphrodisia - the latter not particularly synonymous with the former, as difference in respective ideas of "virility" show.
Anyone with a passing knowledge of Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics digs his focus on virtue through "moderation". (That's sōphrosynē to you classicists.) In between two given behavioral extremes, there's always a mean in between that the virtuous man follows (although it usually ain't the median between the two). So what quality did the virtuous man have that allowed him to more-or-less tread the moderate path?
"Mastery" (enkrateia), in short. In order for a man to be virtuous, his rational faculties had to hold sway over his sensual inclinations: he had to be a "ruler" (archontas) and not "ruled" (archomenous) in relation to himself, just like Plato's hierarchy. Now, the blatant sexism in that last sentence is intentional - in fact, it's key to the whole process here. When we're talking virtue in ancient Greece, we're talking about men. Whether that's being a good citizen of the polis, a kick-ass Athenian general, or even a wise slave of the Stoic sort, it means being manly. Enkrateia was (in addition to being the power of a king over a subject or a lord over a slave) the same sort of "mastery" that a man had over his wife and household, and that the "top" in a sexual encounter had over the "bottom".
This isn't to say that virtue wasn't expected of women or that they couldn't have enkrateia or sōphrosynē, but that "this virtue was always referred in some way to virility. . .there was also a structural reference, since in order for a woman to be moderate, she had to establish a relationship of superiority and domination over herself that was virile by definition." (Foucault, p. 83) A virtuous woman was a manly woman, in the womanly fashion of being manly. (That make sense? Good.) The way Greek morality seems to be ordered, no matter whether one was "ruler" or "ruled" in relation to Athens, one was obligated to set up the same hierarchy inside oneself with one's rationality at the top. You had to kick your own inner ass - and make all those worrisome inclinations towards the extreme (quite literally) your bitch.
Now, aphrodisia (remember Aphrodite?) was subject to one of these dichotomies and had a moderate mean to follow. (It must be stressed that this wasn't particularly parallel to sexual virtue as a later, Christian concept: the exercise of all virtue was dependent on individual situations, and whether it was virtuous to freak nasty or not could even depend on whether you planned on taking your supper late that evening.) The mean in question was between being completely desensitized to erotic and sensory pleasure (something that Aristotle admitted to be extremely rare) and its opposite: chasing every tail that wagged your way, and sometimes a few that didn't.
That means that if you were prone (like a great many of the contemporaries of Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle) to all sorts of wacky sexual adventures, even with women, you weren't particularly virile. In fact, you vere a vussy girly man, ja! Of course many folks would have the inclination to stick it in wherever they saw an opening; what made you a virile master of yourself, and thus a virtuous person, was to know when to go at it and when to let it be. What this meant for ancient Greek sexual ethics was manifest in its differences with modern ideas about being masculine or effeminate.
The dividing line between a virile man and an effeminate man did not coincide with our opposition between hetero- and homosexuality; nor was it confined to the opposition between active and passive homosexuality. It marked the difference in people's attitudes toward the pleasures, and the traditional signs of effeminacy. . .were not necessarily associated with the individual who in the nineteenth century would be called an "invert", but with the one who yielded to the pleasures that enticed him: he was under the power of his own appetites and those of others." (Foucault, p. 85)
If you were a pretty boy favoring ostentatious dress and perfumery, if you didn't like to participate in suitably manly sports, if you were prone to malakia ("softness" in the sense of being unmanly, but also associated with disease and sickness), then it was just as likely that you were hounding the ladies as it was that you were hyperactively homosexual. What you were doing was failing to be a man to yourself by not standing up to the ways your body was likely to lead you astray, and that tended, in the Greek mind, to manifest itself in the way you talked, how healthy you were, how successful you were at raising children, and so on. If your inner hierarchy was a shambles, it was likely to show in how well you acted out your role in the hierarchy of Athens and the rest of the external world.
These ideas led to a lot of conclusions that were seemingly alien, and yet very related, to later Christian ways of looking at sex and society. Medieval thinkers often looked to the pure and innocent virgin young woman as the epitome of sexual morality. Such a person without sin would have nothing to confess, and was thus free of taint in the Church's eyes. There's a reason why Sir Galahad was raised by women into a virginal lifestyle and thus was able to get his hands around the Holy Grail, while Dear Daddy, the ultra-masculine womanizer and beloved friend to the rough-and-tumble Knights of the Round Table, had to kneel at the entrance to that sacred Mass. Yet Christianity's association of constant sexual self-control with power above that of one's fellow man is at least akin to enkrateia, if far more demanding of restraint. Its means of dealing with sex as a discourse of guilt and confession to God through the Church is also heavily related to the medical and social dedication of Greek texts to aphrodisia as at least one physical aspect of his life where a man could display virtue.
And, of course, to the Greeks, practice made perfect (hence some Athenian philosophers' admiration of brutal Spartan child-rearing practices designed to make young men into young soldiers). Mastering the genitalia was a lot like mastering an instrument, or rhetoric, or a certain sport: that is, you pursued virtue in that field as a unique individual, making some mistakes and trying your best while (if you were wise) learning as you went. The right amount, method, and partner(s) in one's sexual life had to be gauged independently through "growing experiences", as we say nowadays. So while Aristotle might not think that all those letters to Penthouse about how you slept with four Roller Derby sex goddesses at once made you a big virile hunk o' man, he could at least be content that you'd gained some valuable insight into who'd be in your motel room the next time around.
Dec 10, 2010
Brim job, Bro job
Source: Urbandictionary.com
6.
brimjob
8 up, 1 down
buy brimjob mugs, tshirts and magnets
An accidental situation in which the tongue of one completely heterosexual male encounters directly and/or indirectly with an anus of another completely heterosexual male. Drinking heavily may increase the odds that this freak occurrence may take place. A derivative of the word brojob, this is also an action associated with all male activities to include feats of strength, masculinity, intelligence, and male dominance.
Dan: Chris,... dude, look up the definition of brimjob,... heterosexual males...we're in the clear. Chris: Oh, dodged that bullet, we're good. But what if I liked it?...
brojob rimjob accident heterosexual blowjob anal masculinity bro dominance alpha male by P4PerTh1N, StrahbrryShake Dec 8, 2008 share this
6.
brimjob
8 up, 1 down
buy brimjob mugs, tshirts and magnets
An accidental situation in which the tongue of one completely heterosexual male encounters directly and/or indirectly with an anus of another completely heterosexual male. Drinking heavily may increase the odds that this freak occurrence may take place. A derivative of the word brojob, this is also an action associated with all male activities to include feats of strength, masculinity, intelligence, and male dominance.
Dan: Chris,... dude, look up the definition of brimjob,... heterosexual males...we're in the clear. Chris: Oh, dodged that bullet, we're good. But what if I liked it?...
brojob rimjob accident heterosexual blowjob anal masculinity bro dominance alpha male by P4PerTh1N, StrahbrryShake Dec 8, 2008 share this
Source: Urbandictionary.com
heterosexual i.d.
buy heterosexual i.d. mugs, tshirts and magnets
A theoretical form of identification issued to heterosexuals (mostly males) which can be revoked if the person acts sufficiently "gay". This doesnt really apply to people who know they're gay, because they wouldnt want the ID.
"Dude if you touch his balls one more time i'm gonna have to revoke your heterosexual i.d. card.
gaydar heterosexual gay homosexual poop by Notorious R.E.D. Feb 4, 2007 share this
heterosexual i.d.
buy heterosexual i.d. mugs, tshirts and magnets
A theoretical form of identification issued to heterosexuals (mostly males) which can be revoked if the person acts sufficiently "gay". This doesnt really apply to people who know they're gay, because they wouldnt want the ID.
"Dude if you touch his balls one more time i'm gonna have to revoke your heterosexual i.d. card.
gaydar heterosexual gay homosexual poop by Notorious R.E.D. Feb 4, 2007 share this
Heterosexual man barrier
Source: urbandictionary.com
3.
heterosexual man barrier
16 up, 18 down
buy heterosexual man barrier mugs, tshirts and magnets
A long pillow used to lay over and weigh down the sheets between two straight males sharing a double bed. A heterosexual man barrier is set up to help prevent accidental contact during sleep. comonly used in combination with the stager sheet sleep method.
The two boys were afraid to sleep in the same double bed without the aid of a heterosexual man barrier.
heterosexual man barrier sleep bed by Action Steve May 23, 2006 share this
3.
heterosexual man barrier
16 up, 18 down
buy heterosexual man barrier mugs, tshirts and magnets
A long pillow used to lay over and weigh down the sheets between two straight males sharing a double bed. A heterosexual man barrier is set up to help prevent accidental contact during sleep. comonly used in combination with the stager sheet sleep method.
The two boys were afraid to sleep in the same double bed without the aid of a heterosexual man barrier.
heterosexual man barrier sleep bed by Action Steve May 23, 2006 share this
Favor Exchange
Source: Urbandictionary.com
1.
Favor Exchange
30 up, 21 down
buy favor exchange mugs, tshirts and magnets
A Favor Exhange occurs when two or more heterosexual males exchange sexual favors. A Sexual Favor could include, but not limited too: handjob, blowjob, or anal sex. This is completely Not romantic in anyway and is Not considered to be homosexual. This term is what many men want to ask for in other men, but are too ashamed to ask due to the fear of bieng labeled a homosexual. Most men have performed a Favor Exhange in one form or anouther at some point in there lives, but are too ashamed to admit it.
Dude1: "Hay Dude, you want to Exhange Favors?" Dude2: "You mean a Favor Exchange?" Dude1: "Yea" Dude2: "Well, since niether one of us are gay, I guess we can, what did you have in mind?" Dude1: "Well, If I suck you, will you suck me?" Dude2: "Sure, lets do it."
favor exchange favor heterosexual males sexual favor sexual favors handjob blowjob anal sex not gay not romantic not homosexual guys guys night in suck mutual masturbation circle jerk masterbation hand sex sexual two guys 2 guys group sex guys night out faver exchange beating the monkey faver spanking the monkey jacking off jerking off by David Baldwin Feb 14, 2006 share this
2.
Favor Exchange
1 up, 8 down
buy favor exchange mugs, tshirts and magnets
n. A Favor Exhange occurs when two or more heterosexual males exchange sexual favors. A Sexual Favor could include, but not limited too: handjob, blowjob, or anal sex. This is completely Not romantic in anyway and is Not considered to be homosexual. This term is what many men want to ask for in other men, but are too ashamed to ask due to the fear of bieng labeled a homosexual. Most men have performed a Favor Exhange in one form or anouther at some point in there lives, but are too ashamed to admit it.
Dude1: "Hay Dude, you want to Exhange Favors?" Dude2: "You mean a Favor Exchange?" Dude1: "Yea" Dude2: "Well, since niether one of us are gay, I guess we can, what did you have in mind?" Dude1: "Well, If I suck you, will you suck me?" Dude2: "Sure, lets do it."
favor exchange heterosexual males sexual faver favors handjob blowjob anal guys suck mutual masturbation circle jerk hand sex group jacking jerking by David Baldwin Feb 17, 2006 share this
1.
Favor Exchange
30 up, 21 down
buy favor exchange mugs, tshirts and magnets
A Favor Exhange occurs when two or more heterosexual males exchange sexual favors. A Sexual Favor could include, but not limited too: handjob, blowjob, or anal sex. This is completely Not romantic in anyway and is Not considered to be homosexual. This term is what many men want to ask for in other men, but are too ashamed to ask due to the fear of bieng labeled a homosexual. Most men have performed a Favor Exhange in one form or anouther at some point in there lives, but are too ashamed to admit it.
Dude1: "Hay Dude, you want to Exhange Favors?" Dude2: "You mean a Favor Exchange?" Dude1: "Yea" Dude2: "Well, since niether one of us are gay, I guess we can, what did you have in mind?" Dude1: "Well, If I suck you, will you suck me?" Dude2: "Sure, lets do it."
favor exchange favor heterosexual males sexual favor sexual favors handjob blowjob anal sex not gay not romantic not homosexual guys guys night in suck mutual masturbation circle jerk masterbation hand sex sexual two guys 2 guys group sex guys night out faver exchange beating the monkey faver spanking the monkey jacking off jerking off by David Baldwin Feb 14, 2006 share this
2.
Favor Exchange
1 up, 8 down
buy favor exchange mugs, tshirts and magnets
n. A Favor Exhange occurs when two or more heterosexual males exchange sexual favors. A Sexual Favor could include, but not limited too: handjob, blowjob, or anal sex. This is completely Not romantic in anyway and is Not considered to be homosexual. This term is what many men want to ask for in other men, but are too ashamed to ask due to the fear of bieng labeled a homosexual. Most men have performed a Favor Exhange in one form or anouther at some point in there lives, but are too ashamed to admit it.
Dude1: "Hay Dude, you want to Exhange Favors?" Dude2: "You mean a Favor Exchange?" Dude1: "Yea" Dude2: "Well, since niether one of us are gay, I guess we can, what did you have in mind?" Dude1: "Well, If I suck you, will you suck me?" Dude2: "Sure, lets do it."
favor exchange heterosexual males sexual faver favors handjob blowjob anal guys suck mutual masturbation circle jerk hand sex group jacking jerking by David Baldwin Feb 17, 2006 share this
Nov 9, 2010
Homosexuality and the Ancient Greeks
Note: Reclaiming Natural Masculinity is strictly against the use of the term 'homosexual' to describe sexual or romantic relationships between masculine gendered males, whether in the past or present, because of the 'third gender' origin and association of this term.
"The noble lover of beauty engages in love wherever he sees excellence and splendid natural endowment without regard for any difference in physiological detail." - Plutarch {1}
The ancient Greeks are widely known for their homosexual exploits. Many ordinary people are aware of Greek homosexual love poetry, the same-sex relations of Greek gods and heroes, and the homosexual relationship between Alexander the Great and Hephaestion.
This is only a recent development. Until the second half of the 20th century, historians avoided saying much about the sexuality of the ancient Greeks out of sense of propriety. In 1901, an English classicist named John Addington Symonds published A Problem in Greek Ethics addressing homosexuality in Ancient Greece, but it was provided only to "medical psychologists and jurists" and the number of copies was intended to remain under 100. {2}
The first major treatment of ancient Greek homosexuality in English was Greek Homosexuality by K.J. Dover, published in 1978.
By contrast, ancient Greek homosexuality is now a popular topic, and those who argue for full acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle regularly appeal to these practices and attitudes of the widely-respected ancient Greeks.
However, the practices of the ancient Greeks differ significantly from those generally advocated by moderns. Greek homosexual practices involved beautiful expressions of love and devotion, but were also firmly embedded in their culture of social status and therefore had distinct limitations.
Forms and Prevalence of Homosexuality in Ancient Greece
Homosexual relationships seem to have been prevalent in ancient Greece. It is possible Achilles and Patroclus of Homer's Iliad were icons of male homosexuality. Aristotle stated that the Cretans encouraged homosexuality as a population controller on the island community in his Politics. {3}
Greek poets wrote of same-sex love and notable philosophers and writers such as Plato, Xenophon, Plutarch, and pseudo-Lucian discussed the topic. Plato is quoted as commenting:
Homosexuality is regarded as shameful by barbarians and by those who live under despotic governments just as philosophy is regarded as shameful by them, because it is apparently not in the interest of such rulers to have great ideas engendered in their subjects, or powerful friendships or passionate love-all of which homosexuality is particularly apt to produce. {4}
Tragedies on the theme became popular, and Aristophanes made comical theater about sexual relationships between males. Vases portray numerous homoerotic relationships and hundreds of inscriptions celebrate the love of youths. Famous politicians, warriors, artists, and writers are believed to have had homosexual relationships. {5}
Diogenes Laeurtius wrote of Alcibiades, the Athenian general and politician of the 5th century BC, "in his adolescence he drew away the husbands from their wives, and as a young man the wives from their husbands." {6}
Similarly, a character in Plutarch's Erotikos (Dialogue on Love) proclaims, "the noble lover of beauty engages in love wherever he sees excellence and splendid natural endowment without regard for any difference in physiological detail." {7}
Physicians casually commented that pleasure between men was more tiring. {8} Only a few examples of apparent same-sex exclusivity are known in ancient Greece, among which are Alexander the Great and Zeno of Citium, the founder of Stoicism.
The form of homosexuality that was most common in ancient Greece was pederasty, meaning a relationship between an adult man and a male youth. For the Greeks, pederasty was more than a sexual pasttime or preference - it was nearly a social institution. A same-sex relationship between an older man, probably in his 20s or 30s, known as the erastes, and a beardless boy, the eromenos or paidika, became a cultural ideal. The relationship was regarded as mutually beneficial, as the older man would educate, protect, love, and provide a role model for his lover, while the eromenos offered his partner with beauty, youth, admiration, and love. {9}
The relationship began with a courtship ritual, involving gifts and other norms, and the erastes was to demonstrate that he had nobler interests in the boy rather than a purely sexual concern. The boy was not to submit too easily, and if pursued by more than one man, was to show discretion and pick the more noble one.
There is evidence that penetration was often avoided by having the erastes face his beloved and place his penis between the thighs of the eromenos, which is known as intercrural sex. The relationship was to be temporary and should end upon the boy reaching adulthood. {10}
Another common form of homosexuality in classical Greece originated in the symposion, an aristocratic male drinking group. Guests reclined on couches in front of low tables laid with light snacks and a mildly alcoholic water-wine mixture.
The wine was poured by young male or female slaves, often chosen for their beauty. There were games, entertainments performed by the slaves, speeches, and conversations. The evening often ended with a drunken riot through the streets.
According to the Oxford Dictionary of the Classical World, the symposion was the main reason for the importance of homosexuality in ancient Greece, as it became the focus of expressions of love, sex, and liaisons both physical and spiritual.
Homosexual liaisons occured both between drinkers and with slave boys, and the "idealization of these emotions inspired some of the highest expressions of love in European literature." {11}
Views of Homosexuality in Ancient Greece
In ancient Greece, same-sex romantic and sexual attractions were often regarded as a matter of taste or preferance rather than a moral issue. However, social status was of utmost importance, as was the differentiation between the active and passive roles in male homosexuality.
Given that only free adult men had full social status, women and male slaves were not problematic sexual partners. Sex between freemen, however, was problematic for status. The central distinction in ancient Greek sexual relations was between taking an active or insertive role, versus a passive or penetrated one. The passive role was acceptable only for inferiors, such as women, slaves, or male youths who were not yet citizens. Terms for the passive role were muliebria pati, "to submit to what is done to women" and aselgainein, "to defile oneself." The active role in Greek was hubrizein, "to exert force upon another." {12}
For these reasons, the pederasty described above became the ideal form of homosexual relationships. A free male youth was a more noble partner than a male slave (and perhaps more than a woman as well) because he could be from a noble family and would eventually become a free citizen.
But it also avoided homosexual sex between equals, which was problematic for reasons of status: if two adult citizens were to engage in homosexual activity, the one who played the passive role would lose respect. Women and slaves had no respect to worry about losing, and it appears that a male citzen who had been an eromenos in his youth lost no respect for it - in fact a history with a noble partner could be an honor - but he was expected to take the active role (whether with a women or a man) now that he had become an adult.
One important passage from ancient Greece that speaks against homosexuality is Plato's Laws 636c. Here the character of the Athenian stranger rejects homosexual behavior as "unnatural" (para physin), describes it as an "enormity" or "crime" (tolmema), and attributes it to "unbridled lust." Opinions are divided as to whether this is Plato's own belief, and whether it applies to homosexuality between equals, pederasty, or both. {13}
In contrast, attraction to males and homosexual relationships in the active role with one's social inferiors was common, approved by society, and could even be regarded as a sign of masculinity. There were stories of same-sex exploits associated with Greek gods including Zeus, and other key figures in Greek myth and literature, perhaps including Achilles and Hercules. Plato, in the Symposium, argues for an army to be comprised of same-sex lovers. Thebes did form such a regiment, the Sacred Band of Thebes, formed of 500 soldiers and renowned in the ancient world for their valor in battle. {14}
References
Plutarch, Dialogue on Love, 146.
Introduction to the online text by Sacred Texts Internet Archive.
According to "Homosexuality in ancient Greece," Wikipedia, as accessed October 2005.
Quoted by John Boswell in "The Church and the Homosexual: An Historical Perspective" (1979).
"Homosexuality in ancient Greece," Wikipedia, as accessed October 2005.
Quoted in Greenberg, David F., The Construction of Homosexuality (University of Chicago Press, 1988), p. 144.
Dialogue on Love 146, quoted in "Homosexuality," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, August 2002.
Bowersock, Brown and Grabar, eds., Late Antiquity: A Guide to the Postclassical World (Harvard University Press, 1999), p. 496.
Dover, K.J., Greek Homosexuality (Harvard University Press, 1989, as summarized in "Homosexuality," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, August 2002).
Ibid.
John Boardman et al, eds., The Oxford Dictionary of the Classical World, 1986, pp. 225-226.
Bowersock, Brown and Grabar, eds., Late Antiquity: A Guide to the Postclassical World (Harvard University Press, 1999), p. 496.
See for instance "In the Case of Martha Nussbaum."
"Homosexuality," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, August 2002.
Further Reading
A Problem in Greek Ethics - Full online text of 1901 book by by John Addington Symonds on Greek homosexuality, at the Sacred Texts Internet Archive.
Foucault, Michel, The History of Sexuality. Volume One: An Introduction. Trans. Robert Hurley. New York: Vintage Books, 1980.
Halperin, David M., One Hundred Years of Homosexuality: and Other Essays on Greek Love. New York: Routledge, 1990.
Plato, The Symposium.
Plato, The Laws
Eva Cantarella, trans. Cormac O'Cuilleanain, Bisexuality in the Ancient World (Yale University Press, 1992).
"The noble lover of beauty engages in love wherever he sees excellence and splendid natural endowment without regard for any difference in physiological detail." - Plutarch {1}
The ancient Greeks are widely known for their homosexual exploits. Many ordinary people are aware of Greek homosexual love poetry, the same-sex relations of Greek gods and heroes, and the homosexual relationship between Alexander the Great and Hephaestion.
This is only a recent development. Until the second half of the 20th century, historians avoided saying much about the sexuality of the ancient Greeks out of sense of propriety. In 1901, an English classicist named John Addington Symonds published A Problem in Greek Ethics addressing homosexuality in Ancient Greece, but it was provided only to "medical psychologists and jurists" and the number of copies was intended to remain under 100. {2}
The first major treatment of ancient Greek homosexuality in English was Greek Homosexuality by K.J. Dover, published in 1978.
By contrast, ancient Greek homosexuality is now a popular topic, and those who argue for full acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle regularly appeal to these practices and attitudes of the widely-respected ancient Greeks.
However, the practices of the ancient Greeks differ significantly from those generally advocated by moderns. Greek homosexual practices involved beautiful expressions of love and devotion, but were also firmly embedded in their culture of social status and therefore had distinct limitations.
Forms and Prevalence of Homosexuality in Ancient Greece
Homosexual relationships seem to have been prevalent in ancient Greece. It is possible Achilles and Patroclus of Homer's Iliad were icons of male homosexuality. Aristotle stated that the Cretans encouraged homosexuality as a population controller on the island community in his Politics. {3}
Greek poets wrote of same-sex love and notable philosophers and writers such as Plato, Xenophon, Plutarch, and pseudo-Lucian discussed the topic. Plato is quoted as commenting:
Homosexuality is regarded as shameful by barbarians and by those who live under despotic governments just as philosophy is regarded as shameful by them, because it is apparently not in the interest of such rulers to have great ideas engendered in their subjects, or powerful friendships or passionate love-all of which homosexuality is particularly apt to produce. {4}
Tragedies on the theme became popular, and Aristophanes made comical theater about sexual relationships between males. Vases portray numerous homoerotic relationships and hundreds of inscriptions celebrate the love of youths. Famous politicians, warriors, artists, and writers are believed to have had homosexual relationships. {5}
Diogenes Laeurtius wrote of Alcibiades, the Athenian general and politician of the 5th century BC, "in his adolescence he drew away the husbands from their wives, and as a young man the wives from their husbands." {6}
Similarly, a character in Plutarch's Erotikos (Dialogue on Love) proclaims, "the noble lover of beauty engages in love wherever he sees excellence and splendid natural endowment without regard for any difference in physiological detail." {7}
Physicians casually commented that pleasure between men was more tiring. {8} Only a few examples of apparent same-sex exclusivity are known in ancient Greece, among which are Alexander the Great and Zeno of Citium, the founder of Stoicism.
The form of homosexuality that was most common in ancient Greece was pederasty, meaning a relationship between an adult man and a male youth. For the Greeks, pederasty was more than a sexual pasttime or preference - it was nearly a social institution. A same-sex relationship between an older man, probably in his 20s or 30s, known as the erastes, and a beardless boy, the eromenos or paidika, became a cultural ideal. The relationship was regarded as mutually beneficial, as the older man would educate, protect, love, and provide a role model for his lover, while the eromenos offered his partner with beauty, youth, admiration, and love. {9}
The relationship began with a courtship ritual, involving gifts and other norms, and the erastes was to demonstrate that he had nobler interests in the boy rather than a purely sexual concern. The boy was not to submit too easily, and if pursued by more than one man, was to show discretion and pick the more noble one.
There is evidence that penetration was often avoided by having the erastes face his beloved and place his penis between the thighs of the eromenos, which is known as intercrural sex. The relationship was to be temporary and should end upon the boy reaching adulthood. {10}
Another common form of homosexuality in classical Greece originated in the symposion, an aristocratic male drinking group. Guests reclined on couches in front of low tables laid with light snacks and a mildly alcoholic water-wine mixture.
The wine was poured by young male or female slaves, often chosen for their beauty. There were games, entertainments performed by the slaves, speeches, and conversations. The evening often ended with a drunken riot through the streets.
According to the Oxford Dictionary of the Classical World, the symposion was the main reason for the importance of homosexuality in ancient Greece, as it became the focus of expressions of love, sex, and liaisons both physical and spiritual.
Homosexual liaisons occured both between drinkers and with slave boys, and the "idealization of these emotions inspired some of the highest expressions of love in European literature." {11}
Views of Homosexuality in Ancient Greece
In ancient Greece, same-sex romantic and sexual attractions were often regarded as a matter of taste or preferance rather than a moral issue. However, social status was of utmost importance, as was the differentiation between the active and passive roles in male homosexuality.
Given that only free adult men had full social status, women and male slaves were not problematic sexual partners. Sex between freemen, however, was problematic for status. The central distinction in ancient Greek sexual relations was between taking an active or insertive role, versus a passive or penetrated one. The passive role was acceptable only for inferiors, such as women, slaves, or male youths who were not yet citizens. Terms for the passive role were muliebria pati, "to submit to what is done to women" and aselgainein, "to defile oneself." The active role in Greek was hubrizein, "to exert force upon another." {12}
For these reasons, the pederasty described above became the ideal form of homosexual relationships. A free male youth was a more noble partner than a male slave (and perhaps more than a woman as well) because he could be from a noble family and would eventually become a free citizen.
But it also avoided homosexual sex between equals, which was problematic for reasons of status: if two adult citizens were to engage in homosexual activity, the one who played the passive role would lose respect. Women and slaves had no respect to worry about losing, and it appears that a male citzen who had been an eromenos in his youth lost no respect for it - in fact a history with a noble partner could be an honor - but he was expected to take the active role (whether with a women or a man) now that he had become an adult.
One important passage from ancient Greece that speaks against homosexuality is Plato's Laws 636c. Here the character of the Athenian stranger rejects homosexual behavior as "unnatural" (para physin), describes it as an "enormity" or "crime" (tolmema), and attributes it to "unbridled lust." Opinions are divided as to whether this is Plato's own belief, and whether it applies to homosexuality between equals, pederasty, or both. {13}
In contrast, attraction to males and homosexual relationships in the active role with one's social inferiors was common, approved by society, and could even be regarded as a sign of masculinity. There were stories of same-sex exploits associated with Greek gods including Zeus, and other key figures in Greek myth and literature, perhaps including Achilles and Hercules. Plato, in the Symposium, argues for an army to be comprised of same-sex lovers. Thebes did form such a regiment, the Sacred Band of Thebes, formed of 500 soldiers and renowned in the ancient world for their valor in battle. {14}
References
Plutarch, Dialogue on Love, 146.
Introduction to the online text by Sacred Texts Internet Archive.
According to "Homosexuality in ancient Greece," Wikipedia, as accessed October 2005.
Quoted by John Boswell in "The Church and the Homosexual: An Historical Perspective" (1979).
"Homosexuality in ancient Greece," Wikipedia, as accessed October 2005.
Quoted in Greenberg, David F., The Construction of Homosexuality (University of Chicago Press, 1988), p. 144.
Dialogue on Love 146, quoted in "Homosexuality," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, August 2002.
Bowersock, Brown and Grabar, eds., Late Antiquity: A Guide to the Postclassical World (Harvard University Press, 1999), p. 496.
Dover, K.J., Greek Homosexuality (Harvard University Press, 1989, as summarized in "Homosexuality," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, August 2002).
Ibid.
John Boardman et al, eds., The Oxford Dictionary of the Classical World, 1986, pp. 225-226.
Bowersock, Brown and Grabar, eds., Late Antiquity: A Guide to the Postclassical World (Harvard University Press, 1999), p. 496.
See for instance "In the Case of Martha Nussbaum."
"Homosexuality," Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, August 2002.
Further Reading
A Problem in Greek Ethics - Full online text of 1901 book by by John Addington Symonds on Greek homosexuality, at the Sacred Texts Internet Archive.
Foucault, Michel, The History of Sexuality. Volume One: An Introduction. Trans. Robert Hurley. New York: Vintage Books, 1980.
Halperin, David M., One Hundred Years of Homosexuality: and Other Essays on Greek Love. New York: Routledge, 1990.
Plato, The Symposium.
Plato, The Laws
Eva Cantarella, trans. Cormac O'Cuilleanain, Bisexuality in the Ancient World (Yale University Press, 1992).
Sep 18, 2010
Men in westernized societies far too likely to commit suicide
Suicide: Top 10 Cause of Death in U.S Men
Posted Jun 04 2009 10:33pm 
1 Comment
1 CommentSep 4, 2010
Importance of manhood for males: evidences from a tribal society
Tribal rite robs youths of manhood
Robert Block - East London
The Sunday Times (London), p. 18, 29 December 1996
NOTE: Links with a right-facing blue arrow will take you off this site.
Sitting in loose hospital gowns, the youths looked sorry for themselves. They had reason to be. They had fallen into the hands of 'bush surgeons' who subjected them to crude circumcisions to mark their coming of age.
Robert Block - East London
The Sunday Times (London), p. 18, 29 December 1996
NOTE: Links with a right-facing blue arrow will take you off this site.
Sitting in loose hospital gowns, the youths looked sorry for themselves. They had reason to be. They had fallen into the hands of 'bush surgeons' who subjected them to crude circumcisions to mark their coming of age.
"...the quest for manhood has left more than 50 young Xhosa men
suffering infections and severe blood loss.
At least two have had to have their penises amputated.
Every year a number of boys dies from their injuries."
"All I wanted was to be a man," said one of the teenagers, on the verge of tears. "I'm not going to see that dream come true."
Each year doctors at Greys hospital in the Eastern Cape treat dozens of boys for horrific disfigurements inflicted during tribal circumcision ceremonies. These are usually carried out over Christmas when the youths return home on holiday from jobs in the cities.
In recent weeks the quest for manhood has left more than 50 young Xhosa men suffering infections and severe blood loss. At least two have had to have their penises amputated. Every year a number of boys dies from their injuries.
The mutilations and deaths have prompted calls for the closure of many 'initiation schools' and next month the Eastern Cape is planning to introduce the first legislation to regulate the circumcision ceremonies. The move has been attacked by traditionalists who see circumcision as an inalienable African rite of passage.
The initiation is supposed to be a joyous affair for Xhosa families and a crowning achievement in every Xhosa boy's life. President Nelson Mandela, the son of a Xhosa chief and himself the proud graduate of an initiation school, said in his autobiography: "I count my days as a man from the date of my circumcision."
Inrecent years, however, circumcisions that were once carried out by skilled elders have been performed by unscrupulous tribal practitioners for profit. Some of the victims report being operated on by men wearing balaclavas to hide their identity.
According to one study, 34 initiates died in the Eastern Cape, the poorest part of South Africa, after the operation last year. Another 13 suffered irreparable organ mutilation and 743 needed treatment of some kind for their injuries. In August, 26 boys from the region had their penises reconstructed by plastic surgeons as part of a project funded by the South African Red Cross.
"Refusal to undergo the process can result in
forfeiting the right to inherit property.
Youths who balk at the initiation are often scorned
and prevented from marrying in their area."
Traditional circumcision has always been treated as a secret part of African culture and discussion of the methods used is taboo. The ceremony is a solemn ritual supposed to make men of boys and women of girls - female circumcision is also rife in South Africa.
Refusal to undergo the process can result in forfeiting the right to inherit property. Youths who balk at the initiation are often scorned and prevented from marrying in their area.
Trudie Thomas, the Eastern Cape health and welfare officer, said the local government was not pushing for the practice to be outlawed but for traditional surgeons to be licensed.
Traditionalists reject charges that many of the bush schools' patients are doomed to abnormal sex lives or no sex lives at all. They accuse those who call for regulation of seeking to wipe out black culture. The teenagers at Greys hospital might not agree.
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The news of David Carradine’s death ( David Carradine Dead From Apparent Suicide ) might have not registered with me had I not read of his cause of death, reportedly by hanging. That’s how my brother took his life four years ago.
Questions
While we don’t know the circumstances around Mr. Carradine’s death, if you’ve ever known someone who has committed suicide, you know that their death leaves behind many questions. Did anyone notice anything? Could I have done something? Should I have done something? Why didn’t he say something?
If I learned anything through my experience it’s that asking these questions don’t do anything because the one person who could answer them is no longer with us.
Going through with it
A social worker told me something interesting after JP died. She said that for most, the actual suicide isn’t the first time he or she wanted to do it. She explained that JP probably had planned this before but got interrupted or something stopped him from following through. Who knows? Maybe he got a phone call, thought of something, and then didn’t go through it that particular day - only to do it another one, the day he did die.
And sometimes, it just happens because even if the man reaches out, the system fails him. That’s what happened with my brother. He had reached out, he needed help, but the mental health system failed him. Instead, he self-medicated his pain and, given the outcome, not very successfully.
Help yourself
With Father’s day coming up, one of the best things for yourself, your own gift if you’re a father and a gift to yourself just because if you’re not, is to take care of your own mental health. Don’t let despair take over. Don’t let anxiety eat away at you. Don’t self medicate with alcohol and drugs. It doesn’t work.
If you break a leg, you get it casted. If your appendix bursts, you get it removed. If your brain is making you sick, that can be looked at and helped. Do it for you. Do it for those who love you. Do it for people like Mr. Carradine and my brother (and the 2 sons he left behind) who didn’t get the help they needed. Please.
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